Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Even my vagina gasped.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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