I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize