Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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