Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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