you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
