just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
