At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
