I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize