mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
