no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
