apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
