you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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