Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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