I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
