Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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