pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she woke up with a sticky ear
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
