Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
