we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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