i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
