you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
that may or may not have been my penis.
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