Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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