Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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