Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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