"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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