Got a toothbrush?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
