In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
