Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
