Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
