oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if only i could text you this smell
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
