$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize