you would pick up someone in the library
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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