I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
