mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize