I faked an abortion last night.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The power of my boobs compel you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
