i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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