remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
