hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
