My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
