I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My vagina is officially offended.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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