Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he fucked my hip out of place.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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