he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
