Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
