dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
