I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
