Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
