Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
