ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
