mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
