It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
