saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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