how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
