Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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