Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
