i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
