He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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