Your mouth is God's brothel.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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