the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
