he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
