i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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