rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
