You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
