his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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