I wish I could punch you in the face.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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