What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
