I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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