i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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