I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
