There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
