do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
