I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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