You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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