Cold hands, warm shart.
...so i touched it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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