Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
