i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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