I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
