We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
