I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
zippers are such a cool invention
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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