The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
