At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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