the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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