if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize