Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh god the rape fog is back!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
