we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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