Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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