1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
