I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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