Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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