bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize