I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
