oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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