Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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