Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
