My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
