I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
