Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
